Confidence Restored

One of my flaws is a reluctance to try new things. The anticipation of a new experience often causes several days of anxiety, loss of sleep and weird dreams for several days in advance of the experience. About 11 months ago, hubby convinced me to begin horseback riding lessons with him. He had taken one set of 4 lessons first to see if it was something he wanted to pursue. The only riding I had ever done was in a close ring or on a controlled trail ride where the horse follows the horse in front of it with the experienced guide being the only person in the group that really knew what they were doing and even then, I often chose to take a hike while hubby and a couple of the kids rode instead. I entered the lessons with some degree of anxiety and reluctance and was assigned a fat little paint that you practically had to put a mark in the ring to see if he was even moving. From him I moved on to a gray gelding that became my go to horse. I got comfortable with Doc. I advanced through the skills with a level of comfort in control and even with a bit of goading by hubby, started cantering. Each new skill brought anxiety and then exhilaration as it was accomplished.
We decided that maybe it was getting to be time to start looking for our own horses. We went to look at one Tennessee Walking Horse, who was a nice ride, but so very thin we were concerned about his health and as his shots were not up to date, he couldn’t be boarded where we ride. More looking found another Tennessee Walking Horse, a young mare, up to date on everything and reported to be a good ride, but a bit difficult to get out of the field to tack up. We were in the process of getting info on her and arranging a time to go look, taking our instructor with us, when we had last Monday’s lesson. I wanted to ride a different horse and chose an Arabian mare. She was friendly and easy to catch and tack, but by the end of the lesson, my confidence was shot and I was truly questioning even riding again. I wasn’t thrown, bucked, or ridden into the fence, but I just didn’t have control with her and constantly felt off balance. We even cancelled the visit to look at the mare.
One of the things we did upon starting to ride, was to join a local Horsemaster’s Club. This was to give us more riding time, a discount to ride without an instructor, and to learn more about the breeds, problems, and management of owning our own horses. The club hasn’t been too active, but it did have a scheduled mounted meeting tonight to work as a group on riding skills. We RSVP’s and got our horse assignment via email with instructions to have our horse tacked and ready to ride at 5:30 this evening. I was given one of two horses, depending on how one was after the Pony Club mounted meeting just prior to ours. I didn’t know either horse to catch them in the field or to ride and my anxiety kicked in big time. One of their horses is a young mare that is still in need of training and she threw the owner’s daughter a couple of months ago, seriously breaking her arm. My dreams, when I slept the past two nights have involved that horse. My confidence was shot and my anxiety level was high when we arrived today. The mare I was to ride was pointed out to me by the center owner and she was as far away from the riding arena as she could be and still be on their property. I walked up the hill, easily caught her and walked her back down the hill. She tacked up easily, but didn’t want to leave the stall for the arena. Again, my anxiety mounted. Once on her, she proved to be a comfortable ride with a lot of spirit, but other than getting her to stop, easy to control. She trotted fast and even that was good. My confidence has been restored, just in time for tomorrow’s lesson. I will again get to ride Daisy, but this time, it was suggested that I grab a halter and drive to the top to walk her down and ride her back up after the lesson. I can do that.