Anxiety

The past few years have fed an underlying anxiety. Being an introvert, I have always had a level of anxiety that invades my being. There are many factors that play into it’s underlying cause from surviving a sexual assault while in high school, the Cuban Missile crisis at an age when anxiety runs high anyway as you realize you are facing making your own choices, leaving home for college or job, new relationships and still wanting to be protected by the adults in your life. There have been health scares for kids, grandkids, hubby, and me.

Then on the political front, watching this country take giant steps backwards from the advancements toward racial and sexual equality to the “Make American ‘White’ Again” movement. Our state going from progress to exclusion again.

And there is the pandemic. Living in an area where the majority didn’t and still don’t take it seriously, or even believe it is real. Mask mandates lifted as the CDC says they are still needed indoors in some areas, ours being one of them, but seeing them now, they are few and far between. Only those of use with underlying health condition, age, or having an immune compromised family member or members wearing them at all.

To add to all of this, a total madman has invaded an innocent Democracy, targeting civilians, firing missiles at apartment building, hospitals, and infrastructure and lying to his people about what he is doing and why. The constant flow of devastating news and the fear of nuclear war rising, adds to this level of anxiety.

Last night, my system couldn’t deal anymore and I escaped to a hot bath and a book in bed, hoping to get a good night’s sleep.

The nice weather is allowing daily walks, some work in the garden during the day, all efforts to avoid what I cannot change.

Winter Fresh

Though the past week hasn’t felt much like winter, the garden is gone with the exception of a couple of spinach plants and a few komatso plants. The komasto in the salad hydroponic and some of the lettuce there have suddenly decided to issue forth with greens. The herbs are thriving. This week the menu has included several harvests from both.

The night that hubby got a steak and fries, I made another bowl of Asian inspired soup with quinoa for my protein. The chives, oregano, and komatsu adding the greens, red carrot, garlic, fresh ginger, Szechuan pepper corns, and gochunjang in broth to make it soup. There was enough komatsu that some was sauteed as hubby’s green vegetable.

Post komatsu harvest.

Tonight, the lettuce and herbs were harvested for a salad. I think as the 6 young lettuces that are just getting a start begin to mature, there will be greens and salads for the winter when other fresh food is scarce. These two units take up little counter space on a part of the counter that I rarely use and having fresh herbs and greens is a bonus.

As we enjoy the fresh produce, the seed catalogs have started filling the mailbox and they can provide a wish list for the spring garden. I need to get the soil tested this winter and supplement the beds for the spring. The garlic never got planted this past autumn and some of the crops grown last year, won’t be repeated while others will be added. In the meantime, I really need to cook down several 2 gallon sacks of frozen paste tomatoes.

The week before, the week between

Son 1 arrived a few days before Christmas and we enjoyed his company until the morning of the 26th. We enjoyed Christmas eve dinner at daughter’s house along with the traditional reading of “The Night Before Christmas” by the family patriarch for the kids, including the two adult ones.

Christmas morning was low key with Huevos Rancheros for breakfast and the exchange of gifts between the three of us. Daughter and her two kiddos arrived for a late lunch/early dinner with the fancy trimmings and gift exchange with them.

Yesterday I went over to pick up the grands to take them to a friend’s house to see a couple new lambs and daughter was waiting to go too. She had already taken her decorations down as her tree was getting too dry and her cats were threatening her Santa collections. Since we purchased our tree the same day, even though it was in a deep basin that holds more than a gallon of water, I realized that our tree was no longer drinking up the water and it too was getting dry and droopy. I unplugged it for safety reasons, and though the rest of our decorations are still up, the tree has been taken down, moved to the woods, and the rug vacuumed of needles. The rocking chair that has to be relocated when the tree is up is back in the living room.

Yesterday’s mail brought a letter that caused me to check my retirement online and found a very significant error that the retirement system had made. A phone call was made, a return call later, and another this morning, their error has been corrected, but my monthly deposit is way off and the balance won’t be received for a few more days later. That caused a bit of stress as we have several monthly expenses that come directly out of our account. It is resolved fortunately, but we wonder if other members of this retirement system had the same occur to them.

The weather has been so warm that the pussy willows are blooming. I hope it doesn’t trigger the fruit trees. It will remain spring like with rain until next Monday.

To use up the left over bits of yarn from my breed blanket, I started knitting bulky weight hats, holding several strands together on large needles. The first one went home with Son 1, the second one, I must have blinked when counting stitches and realized last night that it wouldn’t fit an infant, so this morning I ripped out the 5″ I had knit, wound a ball and restarted it.

I love the marled look of holding 4 different strands together and the bulky weight makes the hat go quickly.

Right before Christmas, I purchased myself a box/tape loom and it arrived on Christmas eve’s eve. Beginning with a very simple ribbon pattern I have been working to learn to keep my edges even.

Several years ago, I purchased a kit to make one of the looms but it was made of plywood, laser cut, so it couldn’t be used at historical events. This one can. This first tape won’t be pretty, but hopefully will improve my skills so the next one will be more consistent. I deliberately used strongly contrasting colors so I can see where I need practice.

The New Year will be celebrated here at home again. Maybe one year soon, it will be safe to return to Mountain Lake Lodge for their party with dinner, room, and breakfast.

Hope you have a safe Happy New Year.